Windy Saturday...
Not same with my hometown....
Here quite relax because weekend just start...
There must be rushing because weekend finish...
Well...
Different places got different environment...
Study,study,study....
Online,online,online....
DIY,DIY,DIY...
Sleep,sleep,sleep...
Walk in,walk out....
Go school,back school...
Sighs...
The life was like the leaves...
Leaves that going to fad...
Becoming more boring and boring....
However....
Life has to continue...
My cousin has bought a bicycle...
O....
She asked me to buy one but I ignore....
I think walking to school will be better....
Got the feeling of high school's students....
And the wind breeze here are great....
Every time the wind were very strong and cool....
So...
Maybe these are the reasons I choose not to buy a bicycle....^^
This week is week 9 already...
Semester one seems to be finished soon....
Miss hometown...
Miss my family....
And miss my friends....
My mom keep calling me every day....
My friends...
I think they should be quite busy there because the big exam are around the corner....
Ya....
Wilbond had went back...
Me also don't know what's the reasons....
Maybe is to watch Harry Potter-Half Blood Prince with them....
Yup....
Harry Potter movie has just arrived at cinema in Malaysia....
Sighs...
They have seen that....
Afeze going to watch that tomorrow at KL....
Me want to watch with them....
But....
Sighs....
Nothing to be sad about....
Let it be me didn't have the luck to watch with them....^^
What can I do except to think like this....
Just now my friends,Bryan and Huat says got things to do....
So they were unable to accompany me to have dinner....
Giving the apologize to them then I went for my Do It Yourself(DIY)dinner...

I asked them for dinner again tomorrow...
But they say they have to go for family gathering....
By then just okay...
I told them next time still got chance....
They also very ashamed because they have pushed my invitation so many times already....
I just saying is okay to let them not to be so sorry to me....
Don't know why I more believe in them than the others....
Maybe they have know what I want since they have accompany me since the orientation weeks....
Like usual...
I will have my night walk every Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday....
Tonight....
Again,I'm walking alone...
Having the cool breeze....
Listening to my favourite songs through my cell phone....(The song is playing now in my blog....)
Walking slowly....
Enjoying and got double feelings....
One is cool+peace....
And another one is sad+lonely....
The cool and peace feeling will decrease the feeling of sad and lonely when I walk by....
Viewing the great panorama of new town of Kampar...
Lots of peoples,students and cars....
Like a night market....
None of the shop either people attracted me....
Just a walking by and to release my tension.....
Today still okay....
If at weekdays....
The students are loitering here and there....
A lots....
Uncountable....
You guest the students of KTAR and UTAR plus of will be a small amount???
Impossible....
Well....
Weekdays will be a peace for me....
Smiling of....
Walking back to my hostel...
Slowly and nothing....
Lots feeling of sad and lonely was gone....
However there still left there....
Wondering when will it lost....
A good Saturday comes to the end just like this....
Hopefully tomorrow will be better....

~Be Happy Forever~

Yup...
I have change the layout....
Haha....I find the layout till I dizzy....
T.T
Then is never mind..
It's going to achieve my 100 posts soon....
I would like to thanks all who are always supporting me and my cute little blog....
Must keep continue on it....
I will add oil on it....
^^
A new layout for a new me....
Haha....
Hoping a new me will put more effort on studies and be concentrate in anything that i will do...
You all also the same....^^

So....
Keep on tracking my blog posts and I will keep on posting up my life at this diary for me....
^^
Add oil....
Gambateh....
Yeah!!!!

~Be Happy Forever~
~Add Oil....++++~

Just suddenly the mood become very very down....
Me also don't know why....
At this time...
I really need somebody to care about me....
I still don't want a girlfriend....
Because it is just no the time...
Just a friends to cares about me...
My heart was strongly missing my family and friends...
It heals my heart when my mom call me everyday...
But my friends from Alor Star seems to be leave me off...
Is this mean I done nothing in your life before...
Even Chee Sian told me that juniors said after me have gone,they also feel nothing....
Am I so tiny till they can't feel me?
Many friends don't even want to share their things in Alor Star with me....
Making me become further and unknown about my hometown and them....
I still need your's support to continue my roads....
I have walked through a lot because I believe many peoples still supporting me....
But after I have life in here so long....
I think I have lost contact with all....
The strength I am having is becoming less and less....
Like I have died and has being forgotten by people from days to days....
And at the end...
Me maybe never exist in their life before....

A life of boring at here really makes me to lost in my roads...
No entertainments....
No shopping malls....
No cinema....
No bowling....
Just lots and lots of cyber cafe which I don't think I will go because there are already Internet connection in my hostel...
It was not wrong that the environment here was a great place for study...
Got mountains....
Got lakes....
Maybe I am still new here and unable to suits in so fast....
I was very envy to them who was not study at here....
Where they study in big cities....
They can have their live greatly...
With a lots of activities...
Me only can have my stress,loneliness,sadness with this blog...
Sleep,eat,and browsing the internet was the only entertainment here....
Maybe me does not know how to do or join events...
Making me feel like that....
Maybe yes and maybe no....

I have asked many people....
"Am I changed?"
Many said yes....
Let out of sighs....
Yup....
Even me also can feel that I have changed....
I have changed from a happy-go-lucky people to an emotion person....
Even me also not very understand myself nowadays....
Me don't know what to say about myself....
The evil have take over my parts?

I have done the decision before I come in here....
The external factors was the things I forgot to figure about...
So,now I get myself into trouble....
Sighs....
What to do?
The only solving problem is to use to it....
Keep walking on it....
Don't think of giving up....
Try hard to be familiar with peoples here...
Because mom and dad have put high concentration on me....
They hope on me....
I will achieve my goals...
Settle up all things...
And live quietly in somewhere else...
With my beloved....
Being forgotten...
Slowly....
Peacefully....
Left nothing lastly...

~Be Happy Forever~
~Don't worry...I won't do silly things....~

Well....
Time passed by fast....
Just a twist of eyes....
I have come nearly to my final exam....
And it means my first semester is going to ended....
Haha....
Here I come to report about what I have studied....
5 subjects at this semester:

a)Introduction to Accounting-which is most probably my previous SPM accounting which only convert to English version.....
b)Quantitative Studies-where many part was drawing graph,binomial and many things which I learnt in Additional Mathematics SPM....
c)Economics-new subjects....not so familiar....much deal with our imagination....haha...if you know then you will know....and vice versa...
d)English Language-speechless subjects....
e)Hubungan Etnik-The subject where it is the combination of History and Moral in SPM....

Ya....
I have gone to UTAR yesterday morning....
Attending Malaysia Festival of Mind V...
Where the Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Education Malaysia, YAB Tan Sri Dato' Haji Muhyiddin bin. Mohd. Yassin were invited to launch the event....

Ya....
I finally know my target now already....
I still don't know my target actually when I come here....
Maybe just finish my diploma course....
Then go for advance diploma course....
And lastly go for a top-up of degree at Australia...

Until yesterday....
After chatting with Wil bond...
I finally know my target....
I will finish the above things....
And the main is....
I will prove to them....
I'm strong....
Strong enough to prove to them that I can do it just like them....
And maybe to exceed them....
Just like that....

Many have hurt me by asking me to go back for hometown and appear at the HAC....
(HAC=Hari Anugerah Cemerlang which is a kind of prizes giving day where prizes are given by Yang DiPertuan Agong....and also shake hand with majesty...)
Ya....
I'm honest....
I didn't get good results last year at the SPM and so on....
This make me unable to get the chance to nearly see majesty....
It was an honour to go for that....
Smile...
Get on the flash of the camera....
And maybe your face will appear at the newspaper and even TV3.....

They always ask me to go back....
But do they ever think of my feelings???
What for I go back???
To emberassed myself there???
By showing the teachers that I got the high maintanance of face to see them and laugh like a stupid????
What for....

I ignore many of them who asked me that question....
Hurt....
Damn hurt....
Yesterday somebody say to me....
"That's why larh you got so few A's in SPM...."
I endure with that....
Hurt you know???

On that moments start....
I know....
I am just a stupid on their eyes....
Because cannot win them....
Because unable to do well in the past...
Ya....
I'm stupid....
But as a person....
I still have the feelings....

I have make sure with myself that night....
I want to prove to them that I'm not stupid as they thought...
I must prove to them...
I cannot lose to them again....
Or not they will just laugh at me and say I'm stupid forever....

Today morning....
One of my team friend told me somethings and make me frustrated with her....
I comment on her....
She told me that she don't want to continue the course if the first semester's result was bad....
I just shocked and directly comment on her....
"You just will lose all your dream by let go of this...."
"Just don't because of a little turn and makes you let go...."
She says she have already decided with her mother....
She says "I know my level...I just feel that I won't pass..."
"At least you go and try before you give up...Me come here is to study and want to prove to my friends in Alor Star that I'm not stupid....I will prove to them...."I said to her....Quite in a angry mood....
She don't know is shocked because of my angry....
She says she will try....

Sometimes....
People will hurt others accidentally....
But....
Think carefully before says somethings out....
Because that will cause somebody to heart break...
Deeply hurt....
And maybe untreatable....

I will prove to you all....
I will....
And I must....

~Be Happy Forever~
~Be Prove Forever~

Let's change some environment....
Don't always use the same song...
haha^^...

Actually....
What is friends?
(singular=friend,plural=friends)
From my Oxford Advance Learner's English-Chinese Dictionary Fourth Edition....
It states that friends mean the person one knows and likes,but who is not a relation....

Well....
How many friends do you have?
1?
10?
100?
1000?
Infinity???

Different people can have different friends...
This is up to the person...
He or she can have many friends...
Or only a few friends would make them sacrifice...

From that...
Did you ever think that your friends is your true friends?
The friends you can share secret every times?
The friends you can chat happily every times?
The friends you will do anything with him or her?
The friends you would do anything to him or her?

Who knows...
You may have some of those characteristics...
You may willing to do whatever you can to your true friends....

But...
True friends...
Nowadays quite hard to find already...
Very hard to have one...
People nowadays is very greedy...
Just care about themselves...
For example...
You have a friends and you think he or she is your true friends....
Then you will be willing to do whatever things to him or her...
But for those greedy people....
They won't care about what have you done....
They will just get all your benefits and left you off....
Without a word of goodbye....
He or she will just think:"Who cares...It's him or her willingness....not my problems...."
Yup...
This will be the end of your friendship which you think is wonderful and forever for you...

Well...
Quote from Chee Sian,one of my favourite junior...
Don't judge people by the first sight and make a conclusion about them...

Hmmmm....
Somehow you have to give people the first appearance that he or she will be your friend....
First sight...
Is for people to decide whether the person is good to be a friend...
But not all people have the appearance that their friends want...
So...
Choosing friends not according to their face is good....
Because somehow...
Not all people who are beautiful or handsome,then the attitude are good...
Vice versa...For people who are don't have good looking,he or she also not seem to be a bad guy...
But what if he or she is handsome and good???
Or he or she is not good looking and unkind???

Yup...
It's correct that deeply knowing a person will make us know more about the person's actual...
But sometimes...
Some person are too closed and don't want to open the heart to let people know more about him or her...
Some person may too opened till you can't have it...

Haha...
A lot of people in this world...
Choosing is one part of human's life...
And choosing friends can be quite easy and can be quite difficult...
Got only 3 results out of these possibility...
One is you get a good friend...
Two is you get a bad friend...
Three is you not getting any of them...

So...
Try to know more about your friends...
You may know more about his or hers thinking...
He or she maybe have second spirit inside...
He or she maybe have more secret that you still don't know...
He or she maybe have more interest which same with you where you still not finding that out...
Then,having know more each others' information can make a person's relation more get in...

Who knows...
Maybe you have a lot of true friends around you which you don't know...
See around and try to figure out which of your friends care more about you...
He or she maybe is your true friends...^^
Good luck and have a happy day...

~Be Happy Forever~
~Be Friends Forever~

Yup...
This post is especially write for my juniors...
And others friends who are younger than me....

Just something to let you all know...
A few more years to pass by...
Then you all will going to leave...
Left the place you belongs....
To another place which is a higher level...
Left all your friends at here...

It was quite a hard feeling for all of this....
The feeling is just like a papers which stick together with the glue...
Very hard to pull it apart....
If pull apart too hard,it will torn....
In realistic,it is you and your friends....
You be with them in school everyday...
Study together...
Do homework together...
Laugh together...
Chat together...
Eat together...
Then...
Later when you finished your study...
You will be suffer...
Suffer that you are unable with them...
When you live in the 'second home' with your friends,
They already have became your brothers and sisters...
A sudden climates will shocked you all...

For me...
It was quite a sad one...
I always miss my batch friends...
Sometimes even dreamt them...
Me always feel the pain in the heart...
Very very....how to say....
Just very pain...
Regret for not appreciate them while I was with them...
Now,regret is no use...
Many had left...
Very hard to gathered them back already...

To my juniors...
Have times with your friends...
Do be a listener to your friends and share things with them...
Do more batch gathering with them...
If can,hang out with them often...

This is because later all this will less occur in your future life...
Your friends sure will not study with you in future...
Even have...
Later,you all also will find difficulty to be together...
Outside Alor Star is not as easy in hometown...
You will meet different kind of people...
And very hard to find true friends...

Besides....
For those who are studying far enough...
They will sure miss their hometown,family and friends...
Because hometown is the place they were born...
The place where they grow...

Me also scare one thing...
It was those who want to study outside the country....
It is good to study
I scare that they will study until don't want come back...

Haha....
So,my junior....
Take your time with your beloved friends....
Or not you will regret...
Like me...
^^

~Be Happy Forever~

Tomorrow is the time....
My presentation day....
Well....
It should be a happy day where our group is the first team in the DAC3....
Just now evening I have my last Journal Writing...
I like the title....
It just suits me...
"The Most Memorable Experience"
I wrote about that day me and my fellow friends, where we are having our barbecue party....
And this should be counted as our last gathering before some of us,including me going out of Alor Star to continue our journey in higher level...
Well...I have complete in half an hour by writing one and a quarter pages...
Because the lecturer told us not to write too long...
(damn weird....because I never heard got people asking for a short essay...)
Well...including the expression and those well-trained words...
Gaining memories throughout my mind...
Change it into essay form....
Write it out....
Non-stop...
I was touched...
Because they are the friends who have gave me those memories...
Where I can keep it until I old...
And die with the memories...
Forever and Ever...
I have completed it,smiling....
Pass it up with high respecting on it...
My classmate asked me again...
'Why you write so long???'...
I don't know...
It's either writing an essay long already making me used to it...
Or the memories have making me having lots of idea....
Who knows....
I smiled back...
Having her wish to have the presentation tomorrow...
Thanks her...
For giving me the energy to have the braveness....(Paisei...Me don't know her name...haha^^)
Me always walked alone back to my hostel...
The path is quiet...
Even got people passed by...
They are also in group...
Many asked me why don't you find some friends and this can settle up...
I just told them:'I like to be lonely....'
From that time onwards...
I know...
I have already change....
I will never say that kind of words out of my mouth...
But....



Sigh just can be let out...
Walk alone...
Eat alone...
Buy alone...
Sit alone...
Go alone...
Listen alone...
Share alone...
Cry alone...
Smile alone...
And even talk alone....

Even when I was the group leader of some of the assignment and tomorrow presentation...
I didn't hope to much on it...
Because I really scare they will just left you or attack you from behind...
Well...
My guess are right...
I received some sms from the teammate where he can't make himself available tomorrow for the presentation....
Start to left...
"It is counted as lucky where just left like this,next time you maybe meet some even worst condition,prepare for it...."My cousin sister told me...

No idea on it...
Also have to take it...
Lost...
Totally lost...
Terribly...

Tonight...
Nobody want to chat with me...
Just maybe they are busy...
And maybe they think I'm irritated and don't think I'm a person that is good for sharing somethings...
Well...
What can I do...
I just can sigh....
Done my things...
Settle all...
And get lost...
Towards the place where I can cool down myself...
To be ALONE....

~Be Happy Forever~
~Be Alone Forever~