Just suddenly the mood become very very down....
Me also don't know why....
At this time...
I really need somebody to care about me....
I still don't want a girlfriend....
Because it is just no the time...
Just a friends to cares about me...
My heart was strongly missing my family and friends...
It heals my heart when my mom call me everyday...
But my friends from Alor Star seems to be leave me off...
Is this mean I done nothing in your life before...
Even Chee Sian told me that juniors said after me have gone,they also feel nothing....
Am I so tiny till they can't feel me?
Many friends don't even want to share their things in Alor Star with me....
Making me become further and unknown about my hometown and them....
I still need your's support to continue my roads....
I have walked through a lot because I believe many peoples still supporting me....
But after I have life in here so long....
I think I have lost contact with all....
The strength I am having is becoming less and less....
Like I have died and has being forgotten by people from days to days....
And at the end...
Me maybe never exist in their life before....

A life of boring at here really makes me to lost in my roads...
No entertainments....
No shopping malls....
No cinema....
No bowling....
Just lots and lots of cyber cafe which I don't think I will go because there are already Internet connection in my hostel...
It was not wrong that the environment here was a great place for study...
Got mountains....
Got lakes....
Maybe I am still new here and unable to suits in so fast....
I was very envy to them who was not study at here....
Where they study in big cities....
They can have their live greatly...
With a lots of activities...
Me only can have my stress,loneliness,sadness with this blog...
Sleep,eat,and browsing the internet was the only entertainment here....
Maybe me does not know how to do or join events...
Making me feel like that....
Maybe yes and maybe no....

I have asked many people....
"Am I changed?"
Many said yes....
Let out of sighs....
Yup....
Even me also can feel that I have changed....
I have changed from a happy-go-lucky people to an emotion person....
Even me also not very understand myself nowadays....
Me don't know what to say about myself....
The evil have take over my parts?

I have done the decision before I come in here....
The external factors was the things I forgot to figure about...
So,now I get myself into trouble....
Sighs....
What to do?
The only solving problem is to use to it....
Keep walking on it....
Don't think of giving up....
Try hard to be familiar with peoples here...
Because mom and dad have put high concentration on me....
They hope on me....
I will achieve my goals...
Settle up all things...
And live quietly in somewhere else...
With my beloved....
Being forgotten...
Slowly....
Peacefully....
Left nothing lastly...

~Be Happy Forever~
~Don't worry...I won't do silly things....~

Well....
Time passed by fast....
Just a twist of eyes....
I have come nearly to my final exam....
And it means my first semester is going to ended....
Haha....
Here I come to report about what I have studied....
5 subjects at this semester:

a)Introduction to Accounting-which is most probably my previous SPM accounting which only convert to English version.....
b)Quantitative Studies-where many part was drawing graph,binomial and many things which I learnt in Additional Mathematics SPM....
c)Economics-new subjects....not so familiar....much deal with our imagination....haha...if you know then you will know....and vice versa...
d)English Language-speechless subjects....
e)Hubungan Etnik-The subject where it is the combination of History and Moral in SPM....

Ya....
I have gone to UTAR yesterday morning....
Attending Malaysia Festival of Mind V...
Where the Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Education Malaysia, YAB Tan Sri Dato' Haji Muhyiddin bin. Mohd. Yassin were invited to launch the event....

Ya....
I finally know my target now already....
I still don't know my target actually when I come here....
Maybe just finish my diploma course....
Then go for advance diploma course....
And lastly go for a top-up of degree at Australia...

Until yesterday....
After chatting with Wil bond...
I finally know my target....
I will finish the above things....
And the main is....
I will prove to them....
I'm strong....
Strong enough to prove to them that I can do it just like them....
And maybe to exceed them....
Just like that....

Many have hurt me by asking me to go back for hometown and appear at the HAC....
(HAC=Hari Anugerah Cemerlang which is a kind of prizes giving day where prizes are given by Yang DiPertuan Agong....and also shake hand with majesty...)
Ya....
I'm honest....
I didn't get good results last year at the SPM and so on....
This make me unable to get the chance to nearly see majesty....
It was an honour to go for that....
Smile...
Get on the flash of the camera....
And maybe your face will appear at the newspaper and even TV3.....

They always ask me to go back....
But do they ever think of my feelings???
What for I go back???
To emberassed myself there???
By showing the teachers that I got the high maintanance of face to see them and laugh like a stupid????
What for....

I ignore many of them who asked me that question....
Hurt....
Damn hurt....
Yesterday somebody say to me....
"That's why larh you got so few A's in SPM...."
I endure with that....
Hurt you know???

On that moments start....
I know....
I am just a stupid on their eyes....
Because cannot win them....
Because unable to do well in the past...
Ya....
I'm stupid....
But as a person....
I still have the feelings....

I have make sure with myself that night....
I want to prove to them that I'm not stupid as they thought...
I must prove to them...
I cannot lose to them again....
Or not they will just laugh at me and say I'm stupid forever....

Today morning....
One of my team friend told me somethings and make me frustrated with her....
I comment on her....
She told me that she don't want to continue the course if the first semester's result was bad....
I just shocked and directly comment on her....
"You just will lose all your dream by let go of this...."
"Just don't because of a little turn and makes you let go...."
She says she have already decided with her mother....
She says "I know my level...I just feel that I won't pass..."
"At least you go and try before you give up...Me come here is to study and want to prove to my friends in Alor Star that I'm not stupid....I will prove to them...."I said to her....Quite in a angry mood....
She don't know is shocked because of my angry....
She says she will try....

Sometimes....
People will hurt others accidentally....
But....
Think carefully before says somethings out....
Because that will cause somebody to heart break...
Deeply hurt....
And maybe untreatable....

I will prove to you all....
I will....
And I must....

~Be Happy Forever~
~Be Prove Forever~